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One of the questions I have heard over and over through the years is:
“Sherri, should I get a boy or a girl?”
And sometimes families don’t even ask. They already know.
“I only want a girl.”
Or…
“We’ve always had male dogs. I definitely want another boy.”
Usually there is a reason. Maybe they had a wonderful male dog growing up. Maybe their last female was incredibly easy to train. Maybe a friend told them that boys are more affectionate or girls are calmer.
I understand having a preference.
But after raising puppies for more than three decades and watching thousands of them develop their own personalities, I want to tell you something that may surprise you:
I would choose the right temperament over the right gender.
Every time.
Are Male Goldendoodles More Affectionate Than Females?
This is probably one of the most common things I hear.
“I heard boys are more loving.”
I’ve certainly known some incredibly affectionate males.
I’ve also known females who would happily spend their entire lives attached to their person’s hip. ❤️
I’ve seen independent boys and cuddly girls.
I’ve seen confident girls and softer boys.
I’ve seen energetic puppies and laid-back puppies of both sexes.
That’s because male or female is only one part of who that puppy is.
Personality isn’t determined by sex alone.
Genetics matter.
Early development matters.
Socialization matters.
Life experiences matter.
And the puppy’s individual temperament matters tremendously.
Are Female Goldendoodles Easier to Train?
Another common belief is that females mature faster and therefore are easier to train.
You may see developmental differences between individual puppies, but I would never tell a family:
“Choose a female because she’ll be easier to train.”
I’ve watched plenty of little boys absolutely shine during training.
I’ve watched girls do the same.
What I’m much more interested in is the puppy standing in front of me.
Is this puppy people-focused?
How motivated is the puppy to interact?
How does the puppy handle frustration?
How quickly does the puppy recover from something unfamiliar?
Can the puppy focus?
Those characteristics tell me far more than simply knowing whether I’m looking at a male or female.
This Is Why Temperament Testing Matters So Much to Me
When families see a litter, naturally they notice the things they can see first.
“I love that color.”
“Look at those markings!”
“I want the smallest one.”
“I definitely want a girl.”
But I’m looking underneath all of that.
I’m watching how each puppy interacts with people and with the environment around them.
I’m watching confidence.
Energy.
Independence.
Sensitivity.
People orientation.
Recovery.
And as those little personalities begin revealing themselves, we start getting a much better picture of who that puppy actually is.
That’s the puppy I want to match to your family.
Not simply the puppy who checked the right box under “male” or “female.”
But Does Gender Matter at All?
Of course there are biological differences between male and female dogs, particularly when they are intact.
Hormones can influence certain reproductive and sex-related behaviors. An intact female will have heat cycles. An intact male may be more interested in females in season, and hormones can play a role in behaviors such as roaming, mounting or urine marking.
But here’s something I think puppy families sometimes overlook:
Once a dog is spayed or neutered, many of the reproductive differences families worry about become much less relevant.
Spaying or neutering removes the reproductive organs and substantially changes the hormonal picture.
It doesn’t erase your dog’s personality.
Your affectionate, confident, silly, easygoing or independent puppy is still that individual dog.
But it removes the ability to reproduce, eliminates heat cycles in a spayed female, and may reduce some hormonally influenced behaviors.
That’s another reason I don’t think families should become overly focused on:
“I have to have a boy.”
or
“I have to have a girl.”
For a family companion who will ultimately be spayed or neutered, I am much more interested in finding you the right temperament and personality than choosing a puppy based on gender stereotypes.
Spaying and neutering are also important tools for preventing unintended breeding.
The appropriate timing is something families should discuss with their veterinarian because recommendations can vary depending on the individual dog, breed, expected adult size and other health considerations.
So yes, male and female dogs are biologically different.
But when I’m matching a family with a companion puppy, I’m looking much deeper than boy or girl.
I’m asking:
Who is this puppy—and is this puppy right for you?
What If I Already Have My Heart Set on a Boy or Girl?
Tell us!
There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a preference.
If you’ve dreamed about bringing home a little girl, I want to know that.
If you’ve had wonderful male dogs your entire life and can’t imagine anything else, tell us that too.
Your preferences matter.
I would simply encourage you to keep your heart open when we’re talking about temperament.
Because sometimes the puppy who checks every box for your family…
might not check the M or F box you originally expected.
And I’ve watched families take that chance.
They trusted the temperament.
They trusted the match.
And later they’ll tell us:
“I can’t imagine having chosen any other puppy.”
Those are some of my favorite messages.
So, Is a Male or Female Goldendoodle Better?
Neither one is automatically better.
There are wonderful males.
There are wonderful females.
And there are individual puppies within both groups whose personalities may—or may not—be the right fit for your particular family.
So rather than asking only:
“Should I get a boy or a girl?”
I think there’s a better question:
“Which puppy’s temperament is the best match for my family?”
Because long after you’ve stopped thinking about whether you chose a male or female, you’ll be living every day with that dog’s temperament, personality and relationship with your family.
And that’s where the magic really is. ❤️🐾
Good dogs. Brighter days.
— Sherri Smeraglia
Smeraglia’s TeddyBear Goldendoodles
